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“Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.”
— Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince (1532)
The ability to tell truth from lies, or honesty from deceit, is a survival skill. Evolution has proven that being able to read and understand other’s true motives or beliefs is essential to life. Like animals, humans know the value of hiding their intent so they can attack their competition or prey by surprise.
Just like the fox in Little Red Riding Hood, people who deceive have an edge in nature. Anyone who can fool another person has a leg-up in the game of survival. But there is a subtle difference between concealment and outright deceit.
Disguise: the art of keeping up appearances
People have many ways of concealing their true selves, from expressions, attitudes, and postures to make-up, clothing, and hairstyles. Duplicitous people are called two-faced because they are lying about who they really are on the inside—painting a false face to the world, hiding their true internal values.
Over the ages, there have been many words to describe this personality trait: imposter, charlatan, fake, fraudster, bunyip, pretender, faitour, and phony. They are trying to make themselves look more favorable or to gain some advantage, often acting very friendly and “nice as pie” to the outside world but completely different behind closed doors.
Concealment vs. disguise
Sometimes masks are used as self-defense to hide against the enemy to survive. But there are different degrees of concealment, from secrecy to disguise to pretense. While secrecy is usually neutral, disguise and pretense are often devious, creating an illusion to lead someone astray. It is no surprise that the word duplicitous comes from the Latin word for double or twofold.
Disguise can damage long-term relationships. If someone you care for is duplicitous, they can erode your sense of trust because what you see and what you hear is a mask over how they truly feel. They show a different face to different people, depending on the situation.
Lying and power
Is duplicity considered an outright lie? Any disguise is a form of deceit—a way of tipping the scales by creating a false picture of reality—and even leading someone into a trap. Access to the real truth gives power over others.
For the most part, lying is more common during the adolescent stage of life when social skills are still developing. But many people continue a pattern of duplicity because they refuse to acknowledge things about themselves that are true.
Self-serving lies help deceivers get their own way, shield them from embarrassment or blame, make them appear like a better person, and/or allow them to remain in control of a tenuous situation. This can be traumatic for children or other family members in the same household because they see the pretense, the dishonest charade, projected onto the world.
Let’s face it, it’s far easier to lay blame on someone else than to look in the mirror and admit wrong, that we have not lived up to own values or our true, authentic selves.
Machiavellian leaders
Author of The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli believed “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot have both.” He argued that if leaders are immoral, it benefits them to pretend to be moral to keep up appearances-—the ends always justify the means.
Infamous leaders, including Hitler and Stalin, considered The Prince to be the seminal approach to leadership. Even the mob boss John Gotti is known to have quoted from this ancient text. Deceivers tend to bully and use other forms of control to exert their dominance. They manipulate the truth to coerce others.
Cognitive dissonance and sour grapes
People lie to themselves, for the most part, to protect their self-esteem. They develop duplicitous tendencies when there is a conflict between their emotions and reasoning. This discomfort, or cognitive dissonance, happens when they hold conflicting beliefs inside that they cannot resolve, and it becomes a motive to deceive.
An example of this is Aesop’s fable of the fox who cannot get to the juicy grapes on a high branch. He tries in vain to get the grapes by running and jumping but finally gives up. To ease his frustration, he says, “What a fool I am. Here I am wearing myself out to get a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth gaping for.”
In the same way, duplicitous people manipulate the truth to make others look bad out of pure jealousy, to gain advantage, or to encourage others to act in a certain way. Common ways to deceive include omitting or holding back important information to keep the whole picture obscured, denying true events, and exaggerating something that happened.
Information as a weapon
Many disingenuous people appear very friendly just to gather knowledge. Any information shared, often in confidence, can be used as a weapon. They will also pretend they are not wise to a situation to make themselves look innocent. What? I never knew that!
A habitual deceiver will seldom, if ever, take responsibility for harm they have caused to a relationship, and therefore, will have a long list of friends or family members who have broken ties with them. They continually blame others for mistakes they have made in their lives to avoid any shame or personal self-reflection.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end, you may have felt violated or just plain sick to your stomach. The way to avoid these masters of deceit is to see them for who they are and remove yourself from the situation as much as possible.
Authenticity vs. duplicity
Authenticity is a way of projecting one’s true genuine self, instead of a contrived self. It is often linked to well-being, whereas duplicity is antisocial and linked to poor health. Unlike deceit, truthfulness is essential to building and maintaining healthy trusting relationships because it strengthens our shared reality with others.
Can deceit be sensed?
There is no question that some people are better at lying than others. Studies have shown that most people cannot spot deception very well because the signs are unreliable. Psychologists believe there is no consistent facial expression, eye contact, or physical cue that signals deceit.
The easiest way to spot someone who is two-faced is to watch and listen. Actions speak louder than words. How do they behave? How do they show their true values in their everyday lives? Are they more concerned with control, winning, and financial gain than intimate trusting long term relationships?
Everything adds up. Relying on your own personal intuition is probably the best way to spot a pretender.
Was your intent to deceive?
This all comes down to the intent behind the deceit. In other words, did someone mask the truth to win? Or was it a white lie, told to protect someone else or ease an uncomfortable situation? Was it for self-defense? Or was it to inflict harm on another?
Many deceivers lie or cheat habitually to gain the upper hand against a stronger person and often think they have outsmarted someone by “pulling the wool over their eyes.” Ironically, they are really just lying to themselves. Lies are like wishes—a way to paint a world or reality they wish were true.
Faces in disguise. Masks, concealment, and deceit – PMC (nih.gov)
https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2020/04/how-to-identify-a-deceitful-person#1
https://www.lifeinsynergy.com/living-at-the-apex/the-duplicity-of-human-nature-a-nuanced-examination
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886924000928?dgcid=rss_sd_all
The Fox and The Grapes – Fables of Aesop
Machiavelli – The Prince, Quotes & The Art of War (history.com)
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